The Meaning We Create in a World That Doesn't Offer It

...I am afraid that, once you see the world differently there is no turning back. 

Some years ago, I had a deep conversation with a very dear former client of mine who was struggling with paranoid schizophrenia. I asked him what his favorite flower was, knowing his room was filled with lively blooms. He looked up to a corner, sighed, and answered, “The plastic ones.” Surprised, I said, “But they’re not alive, they never were.” He looked at me and confidently said, “Neither was I, but look how beautifully they last forever.”

He looked sincere with a calm smile that radiated peace. He was happy. Why? Because he understood that he could not control the existence of his condition. So what he did instead was accept it while focusing on finding the beauty within his own life.  

That conversation stayed with me for years and since then I have also changed my own perspective on what we call “control”. I would like to reveal a truth we often overlook: once you experience a moment that fundamentally changes how you perceive the world, there’s no returning to the way things were. But is that necessarily a bad thing? This shift, though irreversible, can be what integrates us more deeply into life itself. Life is not defined by a single perspective but is an amalgamation of everything, both joy and suffering, peace and destruction. Death is not the opposite of life but an intrinsic part of it, just as betrayal and loyalty are intertwined aspects of the human experience.

How many times have you felt that your understanding of life has shifted after a profound realization? Have you noticed that each new layer of insight makes the past seem simpler, almost naïve? It’s as if life asks you to move forward, leaving behind the comfort of your former ignorance.

The Illusion of Control

As we peel back the layers of our experiences, one thing becomes very clear! Control is indeed a mirage, an illusion! We cling to the idea that we can orchestrate every aspect of our lives, but the truth is we control very little. Our desire to find meaning in every action can become an obsession, one that blinds us from taking away the raw beauty of living in the moment. 

What is the meaning of life? I believe the issue begins with the question itself. Before asking about life’s purpose, we need to first understand what we mean by "meaning." Is meaning something fixed, like destiny, an unchangeable path we are bound to follow? Or is it more like a complex puzzle, something we need to solve and piece together over time? Could meaning be an intrinsic attraction toward a particular pursuit or calling, or is it a task assigned by external forces or society?

People often define meaning in various ways, each definition carrying its own emotional significance. Once we have clarified what meaning is, we should then ask whether life inherently has a purpose or if seeking an answer to this question truly benefits us. 

Philosophers like Aristotle taught that happiness was the purpose of life, an aim we strive for through virtue and reason. John Stuart Mill argued that happiness was not just a goal but a measure of how well we live life. But is happiness truly the purpose of life, or is it the way we choose to move through it? I do think that happiness should be the “way we do,” not the “reason we do.” Have you ever noticed how your pursuit of happiness, meaning, or validation left you feeling more exhausted than fulfilled? We race after meaning, not realizing that true freedom lies in accepting that some things are simply beyond our grasp.

The Weight of Meaning

Think of Sisyphus, condemned to push a boulder up a hill only for it to roll back down, over and over. In many ways, our quest for life’s meaning can feel like this eternal toil. The more we try to pin down significance, the more difficult it becomes. Life doesn’t come with an inherent meaning; it is blank, like an unmarked page. And while this truth may sound frightening, it is also liberating.

If meaning is not something we find but something we create through our interactions and relationships, then our actions resonate through others, shaping them and being shaped in return. Meaning is the ripple we cause in the world when we move through it. What happens if we stop trying our best to reach the top of the hill and instead feel the fresh grass beneath our feet as we walk?

Letting Go and Accepting Life’s Uncertainty

I agree that there’s a strange peace in realizing that we’re not the architects of everything that happens to us. Life happens to us not the other way around. And if you fear accepting it, remember that acceptance doesn’t mean surrender! It simply means recognizing what is within our reach and letting go of what isn’t. It’s a radical act of self-love to acknowledge that sometimes the only thing we control is our response…(both physically and emotionally indeed)

Guilt often feeds on the illusion of control. It whispers that if only we had acted differently, we could change the past. But guilt is, in many ways, just a disguised hope, a hope to alter something already set in stone that is unchangeable. Instead of being consumed by “what could have been,” consider this: what if we accept that, in that moment, we did what we could with who we were? If we’ve wronged someone, let’s find what wounded us first and mend that, so we don’t pass on the hurt.

Animals don’t overthink. They experience loss, but they don’t grapple with guilt, shame, or the relentless pursuit of perfection. They don’t try to control outcomes that were never theirs to begin with. In many ways, they live the lesson we’re trying to learn, to be present and accept the flow of life as it comes. What can we take from that simplicity? How would your life change if you let go of perfection and accept yourself, flaws and all? Embracing your darker parts is an essential step in truly understanding how life affected you and transforming those aspects that cause you harm.

Life is complex, and it’s easy to get caught up in the struggle for control and meaning. But what if we embraced the idea that life has no inherent meaning? What if that knowledge became the key to living more fully and authentically? Our actions, rather than being proof of our worth, could become gifts we give to the world and the people in it.

So, I leave you with this thought: if life doesn’t come with a built-in meaning, how does that change the way you choose to live? Maybe, just maybe, it isn’t about controlling every moment but finding joy in the unpredictable nature of life itself.